whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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