I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
