he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They are going to name an STD after you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
