i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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