its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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