im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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