My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
