soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
