I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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