U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
