She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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