I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He has the fingertips of a God
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