So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
