yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
