Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
