Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
