I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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