Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
