ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
