Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
