Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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