New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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