So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
