you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
