You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like death gave me a hand job
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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