a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
