Someone shit on the floor
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he thought i was a dude.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
