I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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