i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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