Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
