You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
