this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
