Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
