If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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