let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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