my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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