All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
