we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
