I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
someone owes me an orgasm
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
