im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
