The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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