Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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