I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
