Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
