idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
