I puked a lego.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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