i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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