Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
