sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
