literally had 100 drinks last night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
