girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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