Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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