i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.