my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
