Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
