I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize