I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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