just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
