Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
