hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
