Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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