if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
