Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
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Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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