I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
