What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
