i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize