Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
