or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
