I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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