she was so not down for the gang bang
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
