and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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