Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So squirting runs in the family.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
