My liver just broke up with me...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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